Try, Try, and Try Again

I finally did it!

I did what i have been talking about doing my whole life. 

I actually went and Auditioned for a big time music show.

The Voice.

On August 12, 2012

I did something I had only talked about. 

I had one of the biggest auditions of my life. 

I know it isn't the most fabulous thing someone could do.

But the fact that i actually did it, That is something to be proud of.

Although i didn't make it further than that one auditon, 

you have to start somewhere.

Life isn't just handed to people.

You have to jump and see where you land.

Sometimes you land on your feet and sometimes you land on your tush.

I know that tecnically i didn't make it, I still feel like i landed on my feet. 

I now have a good idea of what the auditions are like and i can be more prepared for next time.

Yes, there will be a next time.

I don't want to just say, "oh i didn't make it, i guess i'm not good enough" 

No one EVER got anywhere by saying that.

People don't usually make it their first time trying. 

I knew that when i went into this whole thing.

I never expected to go on to win The Voice this time.

But I also don't want to say there isn't a chance that i could.

I think that if i apply myself and keep trying that only good things can come out of it.

And even if i don't make it super far in that career, I can never say i didn't TRY! :) 

 "If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

-Michael Jordan

AA (addicts anonymous)

D&C 18:10

"the worth of souls is great in the sight of God"

I have something that is eating me inside, and tearing me down. 

I have an addiction that is hurtful, powerful, common, and destructive

I have a process in which i am fighting everyday.

its called Low Self-esteem.....

Last night i had a conversation, that seems to come up a lot, with one of my best friends.

In the conversation he couldn't stress enough to me that 

what i was seeing wasn't what everyone else saw.

Now, I have heard this many times. 

but none of those times stuck out like this one.

I have a strange thought process that is like this.

I go through these thoughts in my head when i see people or meet new people.

Now with these thoughts its not me being rude or judge-mental.

Its more of me being observant, and more than anything, hard on myself.

I will see 

• features that are flawless, 
• hair that is long and falls perfectly
• bodies that are toned and skinny

I am not those things
But i am...

• Curly hair
• Straight hair
• Waved hair
• Crazy hair :)
• short eye lashes (extensions have solved that problem) :)
• Green eye
• Blue eye
• Hazel eye
• Freckle
• Straight smile
• Perfect height
• Normal weight
• Proportioned body
• average sized feet
• not ugly feet
• normal sized hands
• normal sized finger nails/ toe nails
• perfect boob size
• birthmarks :) 
• somewhat clear skin (depends what time of month it is..)
• Talented singer
• okay dancer
• musically able
• responsible
• respectful
• engergetic
• hard working
• bashful
• loud
• shy
• thoughful
• considerate
• wishful
• romantic
• hopeful
• spontanious
• short tempered
• easy going
• follower
• leader
• colorful
• organized
• street smart
• dramatic
• and faithful 

just to name a few...

This is a work in progress for me, but I'm working on it.
Thanks Cody for last night.
You told me things i already knew, but coming from you they meant more.
I could tell you were really bothered by how it effects me, and i really do appreciate that.
I am glad that i have a great and true friend like you.
I promise i will work at it, but please be patient with me
Thanks again.
and Thank you to everyone else who helps me with just the little things, that make this addiction that much easier.
Thank you for your reminders that I am infact, in my own way, beautiful.
That i do have worthwhile talents, and that i don't need to be someone other than myself.
Thank you to my best friend Meagan for keeping me positive, and keeping my mind off of it.
I am so lucky that you are my best friend/roommate.
I Love you guys!

THANKS!! <3
(i hope that none of you thought this was a prideful post... if you did... stop making things about you. haha but seriously, its good/healthy to be prideful in your self every now and then, so if you have a problem, please keep it to yourself.)

Painful Poem

There is a pain in my arm.
I don't know where from.
It feels like its burning,
like my muscles are yerning,
i just wish it would Stop.

It started at random,
Not much brought it on.
Just reaching at work,
then a painful jerk.
i just wish it would STop

I thought it would leave.
Not much to make it stay
Yet leave it did not,
The worse that it got.
i just wish it would STOp.

Now this is a poem.
A terrible poem.
About my arm that's in pain,
that's driving me insain.
I just wish it would STOP!


And that is how you write a random poem about pain.... that does go away....Eventually.

SOL

This weekend was way fun/crazy!
I had all day Friday off, which was SO nice!!
Kallies Birthday was Friday so i spent all day with her.
We got our hair done, her eye lashes done, shopping, dinner at chilies, and party at her house.
Saturday was Abers wedding! YAY!!!
Oh it was so beautiful! She looked absolutely gorgeous, and its was just a happy time for them.
Sunday Meg and I got our eye lashes done by Sami!
It was kinda weird cuz before i had PAINFULLY short eye lashes so i was worried it would look funny... but i LOVE them!!!
its so nice looking in the mirror after waking up, or showering and not hating what i look like. I mean no i'm not super pretty still without makeup but at least i'm more confident.
I didn't get the lashes to impress anyone or for anyone to say "wow you are so pretty! look at your lashes!" i just got them so i can fell pretty myself and so i can like how i look. :)
but then we went and cleaned our work!
We did everything!!! Walls, floors, bathrooms, windows, etc.
It was crazy.
Well that was the run down of my weekend....
Now for exciting news!
I found a new hair lady/salon! :)
Amber Rene Salon - Amanda   GO THERE!!!
They are so cute and really talented.
Its a fun atmosphere and little so its not a ton of people running around.
They also have great rates and friendly staff!
Love it there!
She used this product that was amazing and did wonders on my hair!
Me having really curly hair, when i blow dry it, it goes CRAZY!
but this oil based product made it super soft and not frizzy at all!
I was amazed!
We used a round brush and the Blow Dryer... thats all!!! :)
i also bought this watch there!
super cute huh!?! :)
Boy Corner :)
So i am having an issue right now with boys.
I miss Austin so much, but i am coming to the realization that its okay to like someone else. 
18 months is still a long time to go and we talked about it before that i was not waiting for him. We would just see how things went when he got home. But i think that this whole time while he's been gone i have been really scared to let myself get really close to someone. I have kissed boys since, but i haven't felt for any the way that i feel for Austin.... until now. 
Now your probably wondering who this guy is... well keep wondering cuz i'm not going to say....
here is why.
You know how with Girl Code you never date a friends ex or something like that. 
Well is it ever okay to break that? 
What if you and the friend weren't ever THAT close. but you still considered yourself friends?
No matter what they tell you, you know that their feelings are still there, but you can't help how you feel.
THEN you find out that your other friend (not the ex) likes them too!!! 
and they are ALWAYS asking you for advice on how to make it work....ugh....
Well guess what... youR SHIT OUT OF LUCK then. 
Don't you just love being Friend Zoned?! I sure do.... NOT!!!!!  


So that is why names aren't named because this is the awkward love triangle that i am in. 
For those who are reading this (no one) done bother asking who they are either cuz you won't ever guess.... its that complicating. 
So maybe i'm not ready to get back on the love wagon...? Or maybe this means i am?
Golly i don't know! i just want to go to bed when i think about it cuz its so confusing.... 
So yeah... 
oh and i never go on dates..... I'm just that pathetic. 


Great huh?!
k bye
 

Families are forever

Mothers Day Family Photo's

Love is what holds us together

 Eternal Families are the Best!

 Us, being Us

 

Friends by choice, Family by chance <3

 they are studs

 Me and my Beautiful Mother

Crazy me...

 My Gorgeous Mother and Crazy Brothers

 We love our Daddy

 20 Years and going strong :)

 They are Best Friends

 They are my Hero's

 Couldn't have asked for better Parents/examples :)

Little Patience

Ever had one of those days where anything anyone says is super annoying?

That is today.

I don't know what it is but i can't seem to find patience with stupid people

I am usually pretty good at that, and i don't usually get frustrated to badly.

But i don't know what it is today, but i just can't take it.

That is all. 

I felt that video was appropriate. 

What would you do??

On my way to work today,
I noticed a Hot Air Balloon soaring in the sky
It was early (for a Saturday) but i thought,
 "if that is what i was waking up early for, SIGN ME UP!"
I have always wanted to do so many things,
so i have decided to create a Bucket List

These do not have to be done in any order,
 they just need to be done before i die (or by date/event specified)

• Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
• Drive-In movie 
• Record in a Recording Studio
• Float using 5,000 Helium Balloons
• Skinny dip in a public pool
• Watch every Harry Potter movie in a row in one day/sitting
• Have dinner in Sleeping Beauty's Castle
• Sing on stage for 1,000+ people
• Pay for the meal for the table next to you at a restaruant
• Kiss someone at midnight on New Years 2013
• Make my Parents proud
• Do something honorable for my Country
• Visit The Sacred Grove
• Read the Book of Mormon 
• Be in a magazine 
• Have someone ask "The usual?" when i step up to the counter
• Walk into a room and have all eyes on me
• Write a song all on my own
• Have a guy throw pebbles at my window and sing to me with his guitar
• Actually stick to a work out and see results
• Go to Europe
• Try wine from a real Vineyard in Italy
• Sky Dive
• Meet Emma Stone
• Say "I Do"
• Light a Tangled Lantern into the sky
• Celebrate Margi Gras in New Orleans
• Audition for The Voice, American Idol, The X-Factor, America's Got Talent
• Grow my hair to my belly button
• Go cow tipping 
• Go camping with all friends 
• Walk the red carpet
• Feel confident in a Bikini
• Play messy twister
• Own a necklace from the Open Heart Collection from Kay Jewelers
• Be a bridesmaid/maid of honor
• Send my Parents on special romantic trip (all paid for)
• Buy a white dress (wedding dress) and go paint balling
• Be given a puppy for a present
• Find the PERFECT little black dress
• Have Breakfast At Tiffany's
• See how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tooties pop
• Kiss under the mistletoe
• Kiss at the top of a Ferris Wheel
•